Originally Posted by Seraphic
but, because my husband hasn't heard it from her husband (because they don't know each other), he won't sleep with her. He expects the guys in my life to have that same "respect" for him.
This stuff goes better when you understand each others' expectations upfront. But, first you need to realize your expectations might be different. It seems like you two just realized your expectations are different.
You'll hear the "Communicate! Communicate! Communicate!" mantra a lot in poly circles. One reason for that is once you agree to a relationship style outside the cultural norms, all the tacit expectations from that cultural norm are called into question. It's only natural that different people may expect different things. It's a problem in monogamous relationships, too, but the monogamous cultural programming gives people a set of expected behaviors and responses to fall back on. There are not many polyamorous examples to fall back on. That's why it's a good thing in poly relationships to try to talk about all those expectations.