Originally Posted by AnnabelMore
As for primary/secondary, I think of them as being useful as descriptive categories. A primary is someone you share your heart, body, and your life with, someone you've made commitments with, a life-partner. A secondary is someone you share your heart and your body with, though maybe not in all the same ways, but is not someone with whom you're actively building a shared life.
I kinda agree with you Annabel, but I have noticed that most poly people, once in poly dynamics for awhile, tend to agree that primary generally means someone you have shared finances with, shared children with, shared assets with. To me its nothing to do with love. Secondaries can be loved just as much but don't have the same "joined" life. More tag searches would reveal many discussions on this topic.
I don't think its fair or realistic to expect or assume one persons needs and concerns be over another. Sure, starting out it might be wise until ones "primary" gets used to the situation, or whatever the circumstance, but working toward equality to me is what holds relationship dynamics together.