Ok, to recap then. Snuggling naked in bed one-on-one before getting up for the day = OK. Snuggling naked in bed one-on-one after one of you has gotten up for the day = a boundary violation that constitutes a possibly-deal-breaking breach of trust.
Would it have been ok if you had gotten up to grab a glass of water that morning and then gotten back into bed after that, or is the zone of ok-ness broken the moment you get out of bed? If you had kept your clothes on at lunch, but had gotten back into bed, would that have been ok? What if you'd been clothed but still hard? What if you've been naked but limp?
The line was not that you weren't allowed to be alone together, or that you weren't allowed to be alone in bed together, or that you weren't allowed to be alone in bed together naked... because you were already doing all that!! Just at a different time of day. So, the line was that you were not allowed to do it after one of you got up? Or that you weren't allowed to get hard?
You probably should have thought twice on this, assumed that ANYthing that hadn't yet occurred was not ok until explicitly ok'ed, and held off until talking to BP. But if I'm understanding everything correctly... and correct me if I'm not... I think I would have been confused in this situation, I think I would not have known what exactly was ok and what wasn't, and I might have made a similar mistake. And I don't consider myself a cheater.
I'm not trying to say anything about what should happen next... I've given some perspectives about that on BP's journal and it's a complicated question... just trying to dig down to the core of the major break that occurred here and look at it from as objective a perspective as I can (obviously I, like anyone else, come with my own set of biases). I don't know how helpful that is? But it seems important to me.
Me, 30ish bi female, been doing solo poly for roughly 5 years. Gia, Clay, and Pike, my partners. Davis, ex/friend/"it's complicated." Eric, Gia's husband. Bee, Gia and Eric's toddler.