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Old 02-16-2012, 06:41 PM
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themermaidcafe themermaidcafe is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2012
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Default Unique "V" and need advice!!

Hi all! So, this is my first post, although, I have read some of the posts around the forum. So, I have a unique situation (or maybe its not even that unique), but I feel like I cant talk to anyone about it, so, I figured, why not a bunch of strangers?! I’ll try to be as brief as possible, but please bear with me while I tell my story.

So, I am a female, and I have been with my partner A. (also female) for 7 years. We have a strong, loving, and solid relationship. About 4 months ago everything changed. A. and I always said from the beginning of us that if either one of us wanted to “explore” other people, had the urge to connect with someone else, or do the whole ‘open relationship’ thing, that we would be OK and would want our partner to do that.

So, about 4 months ago a younger cute girl (K.) came into our lives, and the 3 of us developed an immediate connection. We all started fooling around (this was a first for A and I), and started connecting to each other in many ways. It was that feeling of a new relationship and the infatuation that goes along with it. Well, as time went on, I noticed that A and K were connecting on a deeper level than K and I. I started to have some jealousy and insecurity issues (having been burned in a past relationship has kind of scarred me) and we would all go out, and I would get dramatic, and do and say things that im not proud of because I didn’t understand why all of a sudden I felt like the 3rd wheel. I tried to talk to A about it, but it just led to her telling me I was silly and there was nothing to worry about, etc.

Just after the new year it was finally revealed that K has feelings for A. (This was like my worst fear at the time, and here it was coming true) I actually felt a little bit better knowing that K had serious feelings beyond the “fun” stuff that we were all doing before. It made me feel better that there was a legit reason that the two of them were becoming closer, and I was just distancing. (not to mention my insecurities were just pushing them closer together because they wanted to enjoy each other without the drama of me around!)

So, A has reassured me that shes not leaving me for K, and that shes ‘just going with it’, and helping K through some of the really tough things she has going on in her life (K has been dealing with some family, job, and health things all at once, and has never had a friend or someone she can count on, and A is being that for her). Well, as of now it has clearly developed into more than “fun”, and more than a “friendship”.

My current situation is that A has told me that she is not leaving me (and I truly trust her 100%, shes very honest, and has never given me reason to distrust), and that she is doing her thing with K. (aka K is her right now, and I am her forever). K and I’s relationship pretty much fell apart and we are nice enough to each other, but not close like we used to be. (I have tried to rebuild it, but I think I burned the bridge with her, and she has A right now, so why does she need me too?) So, the crazy part is that I live with this every day. K comes over to our home after work everyday (like she used to when it was the 3 of us), the 3 of us eat dinner together, watch TV on the couch with A and K all snuggly, and then we all pile into the queen bed and say goodnight. It’s like I have to have it rubbed in my face constantly! A and I are not what we used to be because she has all the NRE with K, and I’m just there.

A and K cuddle during the night, and I am almost like alone in a bed with 2 others. They are doing a lot of the things that A and I did in the beginning of our relationship 7 years back, and I feel all sorts of emotions. I am jealous they have that NRE, I am sad that A is not paying me much attention, and I am hurt that I feel so left out. They like to lay in bed all day Saturday or Sunday (things A and I used to do, and now I just feel awkward about it). They like to stay up later than our “bedtime” downstairs on the couch to talk or fool around or whatever. I’m not sure if I am completely crazy for allowing this to go on in front of my face or what. Some nights (maybe once a week) they will stay at K’s house, and I will be alone. Of course part of me likes that because I don’t have to see it all in front of me, but then part of me hates it because A is not next to me in bed, and I start to imagine them alone together, etc, etc.

I have tried to reconnect and check in with A lately, and she is making small efforts to make me know I am still appreciated. She is not a ‘talker’ and doesn’t like to constantly check in and talk about things, so, she’d rather just go with the “here and now”. Logical me gets all that, and it makes sense to me, but on the other hand, its still very hard to see/ live with on a daily basis.

I’m sorry this was so long, I can elaborate on some things if anyone needs- I hope this is the jist of it, and its not too hard to understand. I have told one friend about it, but I don’t like to keep burdening her with the dramatic details of my breakdowns, etc.
Thoughts?? Am I crazy to want to be in this? I can’t just turn off my love, and I am committed to A, but its just crazy how life is unfolding before my eyes.

Last edited by themermaidcafe; 02-16-2012 at 10:38 PM. Reason: paragraphs
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