Hi sweetie, thanks for posting
Mag, thanks for your support. We definitely have no problem finding ways to spend time together...we see each other nearly every weekday afternoon in between my bf's classes, so it's not like we are really starved for time. What sucks is that it is totally secret from his parents. There is no "Hey Dad, I'm gonna hang with Katie and her friends on Saturday" or "Mom, I'll be home at 9 instead of 6, I'm having dinner with Katie and Mike" without a fight: a snide comment from his dad ("Chris...I'm 'this' close. You need to stop seeing her.") Or a pout from his mom, or general threats and even some insults about me being thrown in there (even though I get along with them usually and I know they like me as a human) to persuade my bf that I'm not good enough and am a waste of time in some way, shape or form. It's totally abusive and happens during dinner, outings, and even duuring the TV watching family time they porport to cherish. Can you imagine your parents insisting you come home straight away after Calculus bc your mom "misses" you or dad "made your favorite dinner" and then to be greeted with a storm of scolding, insults, threats and sob stories. When I hear about this I just wanna explode.
When it comes to family and close friends, I can be assertive and defend myself if necessary. For instance, I love my parents, but they have said some stupid crap in the past, given out-of-date advice and made some ridiculous assumptions and I've stood my ground, explained myself, and insisted that I'm smart and careful and am who I am. Chris has never really had issues at home and this is the first time his parents have had a problem with anything (other than a lifetime of guilt about partying and spending time with friends...he was always encouragged to be and stay a homebody.) So they find out he's found happiness with God forbid, a married woman and OMG theyMve got some big problems now. Chris does not know how to stand up to his parents and I feel like a jerk encouraging him to yell back or at least defend myself and speak his wants and intentions. Does he have a right to talk back? Even a little? Can he demand respect since he isn't doing anything wrong?
Going home after class every day sucks for him bc he knows he's going home to sarcasm and snide remarks. I hate that his once peaceful homelife is tumultuous because of our relationship...and it pressures us to not waste a single second of time together. I'm sure doing homework and studying isn't easy at his house now...it's tough for him to leave everyday. We are hoping to find some sort of compromise with his parents so they will at least stop harassing him so he enjoys coming home. If anyone can think of something diplomatic and reasonable he can say (even it's in via email or note he can write to them if a face to face confrontation is gonna be too much) we'd love to hear some suggestions...