Oh dear, that is a tough one. As soon as I read it, the 'why' question popped up but you didn't talk about that for a reason I guess. I am sorry that you are hurting, I hope you will reach a comfortable place as soon as possible. *sigh* So sorry to hear this, you did so great in this situation, I was amazed about your calmness and how OK you were with everything.
Facts: 30, female, bi, v-type relationship with Sward (husband, straight, mono) and Lin (boyfriend, straight, mono), poly-fi and co-primary.