What preceded the event, hmm. Things where moving along swiftly, gf was staying over and bed sharing for days at a time, BP would get up and go to work leaving us to snuggle in bed until we got up. I think part of that was an extension of that, as well as our strong sexual/sensual connection. Partly willful ignorance that if we were not having penetrative sex or foreplay then it was all right to be in bed together, we both enjoyed denying ourselves, which inevitably lead to a more charged sexual atmosphere that helped alienate BP. Part of me feels like if we would have been allowed to have sex then there would have been less pressure on BP, but it seems the hurt would have still been there no matter which way we took it. I think willful ignorance, not seeing how our actions where stressing BP out added a lot to the mix. I guess I can attribute it to a certain selfishness, selflessness has never been my strongpoint, although I do find great satisfaction in acts of service as a love language. There where other boundary transgressions, probably to some minor but when all added up and mixed with past hurt was all too much for BP. I know now that I handled that whole situation poorly, on everyone’s behalf.
One of the early boundary struggles I had was around communication, as BP was handling all of that, I could read up on the emailing and txts but had no independent communication with our gf, and that bothered me. At times I could see the logic in it as they grew their friendship, but as we became more of a triad I began to resent the limited communication I had. I wanted to be able to say “ thinking of you” without it being a boundary issue, but it was. Eventually that boundary was negotiated but not without lots of processing.
I think once the relationship got moving along ( too quickly) I started to resent some of the boundaries and my old patterns of rebelliousness where triggered, as well as our swelling NRE which kicked in the desire for more part of it. All of which attributed to BP’s feelings of being alienated and overwhelmed. She wrote a real nice piece about her experience in the blog section of the forum “ Ideals vs Realities”.