Originally Posted by nycindie
Glad to hear you are taking things slowly and communicating well with everyone. I forget - does Vix have an OSO?
No, she doesn't . . . though she is on very good terms with a few other men. I've described their status as "cuddle-buddies".
Vix is currently recovering from the implosion of a hoped-for relationship with a long-time friend, and so isn't currently interested in looking for anything more than that with anyone.
In the hoped-for relationship, Vix was very careful about communication and boundaries, and so was he . . . with her . . . to a point. They held the line at cuddle-buddy status, though they both wanted to go further, and sometimes toed the line. They were waiting for him to talk to his wife about the possibilities.
The kicker was that he wasn't really talking to his wife about any of it, not even the fact that they were spending time together as cuddle-buddies, not even the fact that Vix and I were over there several times for dinner with the guy and his sons while his wife was out of town. (She has a job that keeps her away 3-4 days every week.)
She found out.
She was displeased, to say the very least.
The fallout has been painful, not least because Vix wants to hold on to her former friendship with the guy in question, but is currently not allowed to have any really personal communication with him to which his wife is not privy; they are allowed to send private emails to one another so long as they are innocuous messages about an avocation the two of them share.
It's also painful because our various children like one another and want to spend time together.
(There's more, about the prior and ongoing state of our friends' marriage, but that's not really to the point here. For myself, I think Vix is well out of it, and have told her so.)
Anyway, observing her experience has added to my caution in developing my relationship with G. One of G's OSOs is, in her words, "not enthusiastic" about her seeing someone new.
As much fun as G and I are having getting to know one another, by talking and by not talking, we really do need to hold the line at least until she's worked things out with that particular OSO.
Neither of us wants to be a source of chaos in the other's life.