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Old 02-14-2012, 09:40 PM
nycindie's Avatar
nycindie nycindie is offline
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Big Apple
Posts: 10,083

Nope, not an identity for me. Who I am is not determined by how many relationships I have. It seems odd to me to call a relationship structure a "sexual identity," especially since polyamory is about relationships and not just sex. I said this in another thread:
Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
I am extremely doubtful and skeptical about the notion that our brains are "wired" to be either poly or mono. I see the ability to love multiple people as a natural option for any human being, but that many factors come into play as to whether it feels right to someone to engage in polyamory, and those are mostly cultural conditioning, personal preferences, and a leaning or willingness to step out of accepted conventions... Therefore, I choose to live polyamorously, I choose to embrace polyamory, but I am not "wired" poly -- hence I don't ID as poly.
To me, poly is simply an approach/practice/structure I am open to having in my life. However, focusing on entering into relationships for the sake of attaining the goal of "being poly" -- rather than on cultivating healthy, loving relationships in my life -- would be a huge mistake.

Recently, I was reading an online article by Deborah Anapol, who wrote Polyamory in the 21st Century and Love Without Limits, and one statement in that article stuck out for me:
While the freedom to explore polyamory is crucial to both spiritual and cultural evolution, I believe it's a mistake to view polyamory, however you chose to define it, as the destination.
The article is here:

Also, there have been some similar discussions here before:

mono-poly spectrum?

practicing poly but not ID'ing as poly?

Is poly a decision or a person's nature?

lifestyle vs. identity in polyamory

Everyone is Poly underneath

The world opens up... when you do.

"Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me." ~Bryan Ferry
"Love and the self are one . . ." ~Leo Buscaglia

Click here for a Solo Poly view on hierarchical relationships
Click here to find out why the Polyamorous Misanthrope is feeling disgusted.

Last edited by nycindie; 02-15-2012 at 12:11 AM.
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