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Old 02-14-2012, 08:34 PM
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Vios Vios is offline
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Colorado
Posts: 8

I can't comment about dealing with animosity about being poly, but can comment about animosity and confrontation and how I deal with it.

Three Words: Use your boundaries.

When conflicts can't be resolved through discussion and compromise, the only solution to the problem is to setup boundaries with the person/people you're dealing with.

Usually it looks like: "If/when you abc, I will/won't xyz."

Sometimes it looks like: "If you harass me, I'll get a restraining order"

Often you have something the other person wants, even if little. I tell my friends who are in relationships who aren't treated well to use their time: "If you don't treat me well, I'm not seeing you this week."

The second and I feel most important part of this is having the integrity to keep your word and do what you say.

Often people who verbally attack others do it for the pleasure and even addictive nature of their egos. You can't defeat ego. You can only bring presence to the situation. They'll usually say things trying to bait you to respond. If you don't give ego something to feed on, it will eventually loose interest.

This might look like:

calmly, but "fiercely" in response: "Do not talk to me."
"I'm not interested in what you have to say. Go away."

This might go on for half of an hour, with the "persecuted person" having to repeat the same statement in different ways over and over. One wink of egoic response and you may trigger it all again - "but I.....". Really it comes down to how it feels. If you're just triggering and making the situation worse, get out.

You are a beautiful person soulfly, and it doesn't matter what other people say or think about you.

Ultimately it comes down to choice. You're choosing to put yourself in that situation by being at that location. Why can't you find what you're looking for there somewhere else? Your explanation is ambiguous.

You have enemies? Good. That means you've stood up for something, sometime in your life. - Winston Churchill

Last edited by Vios; 02-14-2012 at 08:47 PM.
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