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Old 02-14-2012, 07:59 PM
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SNeacail SNeacail is offline
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Originally Posted by MorningTwilight View Post
I have not, for the same reasons that I haven't brought up poly again: fear, and not wanting to upset my wife.
My husband uses this excuse to sweep things aside and harbor resentment toward me.

Him: "Well the one time I approached _____ (a difficult topic) you reacted badly. I don't tell you things to avoid making you feel bad."

Me: "Yeah, you caught me off guard and that was 15 F'n years ago. You never tried to bring it up again or discuss it once I have had time to process and have based all other situations on that one instance."

So many times he waits until he has so much resentment and back issues that it all just explodes. Other times he will say "I need to talk to you later", so for hours I'm thinking the worst (building up lots of anxiety) and it's something really simple and I'm left thinking, "it took you hours/days to tell me that?" WTF? The truth is sometimes the approach makes all the difference. She may still not be receptive or change her mind, but you may be able to avoid the volatile knee jerk reaction.

I strongly suggest therapy, even if it's just to learn how to communicate with each other. That she threatens to pack up the kid and move away is down right WRONG! It will have a negative impact on the two of you for years to come, no matter where you go from here. At one point, when I was ready to divorce my husband, he said "I will do whatever it takes to make sure you never get custody of the kids", implying that he would lie and make false allegations against me, which put me into a suicidal state. He claims that he was just grasping at straws, and would never do such a thing, but I still have issues trusting him after that. It's always in the back of my mind and it makes me question if I really do still love him or I'm just there because he will try and take my kids away from me.
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