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Old 02-14-2012, 04:08 PM
elemental elemental is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 60
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Ok just “cheater”- cheater confessional. Shit I don’t like that, don’t see myself as totally selfish, a people user and cheater… I do see the addition behavior though from my past, that obsessive compulsion to want more, immediately, that helps to see that, to see myself in a triggered state. That makes a lot of sense to me. Lol at the idea of running to therapy every time something vexes me, I have good friends and self care and self awareness to cope with this life, not that “therapy” isn’t helpful, but I am not so out of control that I can’t take a step back and address the behavior. So that is a helpful insight to me. I feel the same way about creating boundaries in the triad that set up failure, about the need to control the inevitable at times pairing off. In conversations with Baggage Patrol I also see how she would have got there eventually, we (gf and me) just rushed the whole thing. I feel much more in tune with her comfort level and boundary zones, and moving forward see us taking steps back and slowing down the pace of our extra relationships. I also find useful the idea of self checking in before being impulsive / spontaneous and asking questions around my partners comfort zone. I see I need to do work around the perception that boundaries = controlling, something that I chafe against, and really find useful the links to similar stories, of other triad experiences to relate to. I think my attitude of “we’re poly, lets just go for it” has created discomfort with BP slower more cautious approach which just appeared after “the event” of finding GF and me in bed together. Which is an issue for me, because up until that point it was full speed ahead. I think I have taken a lot longer to apply the breaks, once her discomfort started, obviously because I wasn’t feeling it.
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