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Old 02-14-2012, 09:12 AM
MorningTwilight MorningTwilight is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Austin, TX
Posts: 146

Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
Oh MT, I hate that you are still so scared of her reaction. It is not good to live under that stress. You haven't brought it up again with her since the summer, correct?
Correct. It has partly been fear, and partly been not being willing to bring that hurt to her, either. I keep telling myself that it does no good to live my life for her; I have to live my life for me; however, it would appear that old habits and cultural conditioning are hard to break.

Originally Posted by nycindie
Now, I also recall you saying at some point that you were no longer pining for your crush. Has that longing renewed itself in you?
In a big way. All she has to do is smile at me, and it's like I'm spellbound.

Originally Posted by nycindie
Do you think your wife would consider going to therapy again? I recall that she didn't like the therapist, but don't remember if she went back after the first time or not.
She only went once.

Originally Posted by nycindie
I think you might want to find someone who understands alt. relationships but doesn't flaunt that as a specialty. You could broach the subject by saying that there are issues you want to address with a third party there to help you two sort through them. Have you been seeing the therapist by yourself at all?
I have not, for the same reasons that I haven't brought up poly again: fear, and not wanting to upset my wife.

Originally Posted by nycindie
I think you will have to bring it up again eventually, and I know you were very compassionate in the past, so she should be able to hear you better this time. I think, if I were you, I would focus on telling her you just want to TALK about possibilities and it's not about acting on them at this point, but that you want to just see if she will examine with you another depth to being in relationship with each other - and you don't want to be afraid to talk about deep issues going on with you. Let her have the sense that you want her to be a confidante in a way but that her past reactions didn't help you to trust that she will just listen and be open to new ideas. And that's what you really need right now instead of a brick wall.
Indeed, I do need that. I'm hopeful that with her improved health and improved self-image, that she won't be so quick to see the subject as a threat.

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