There's nothing to be embarrassed about. For all we know this could be a made up story, you could be a researcher curious about our responses. It's all hypothetical when you're anonymous and on the internet!
I agee with you, divorcing sex and emotion seems not only unnatural to me but actually impossible. Don't get me wrong, I've had NSA sex that didn't mean anything, but to *promise* it wouldn't mean anything? How could I possibly do that? And it seems so cruel to have to break it off with someone just because you begin to like them. :/
I think you owe it to your gf to be honest that you feel this way. It's not fair to let her be blindsided when you develop feelings for someone else, when you knew all along it was a good possibility.
I'm not sure what you mean by finding someone "who would take on that role"? You mean, finding a woman to swing with you but with whom you wouldn't have an emotional relationship?
The major players. Me, 30ish bi female. Gia, girlfriend of 4+ years. Clay, boyfriend/dom. Davis, ex/friend/"it's complicated." Eddie, roommate & fwb.
The supporting cast. Eric, Gia's husband. Bee, Gia and Eric's toddler. Dexter, Gia's lover. Helen, Eric's lover. Izzy and Nikki, Clay's partners. Liam, Eddie's husband.