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Old 02-13-2012, 10:38 PM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
Join Date: Nov 2010
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Originally Posted by skipperchris View Post
By desensitizing I mean spending more time with my primary and her man, allowing myself to see their passion and basically get over it!!
I don't know that you need to spend a lot of time with them to accomplish this. It might be more painful than necessary to force yourself to observe them together. If you feel moved to hang with them just out of wanting to get to know him, great, and to want to be less sensitive to it is noble and commendable, but to force that upon yourself seems too harsh to me. In other words, if you're not feeling like you want to be around the two of them, it might not be best to make yourself do it just to desensitize yourself. That would be an artificial situation, I think. You know what therapists and researchers found when people engaged in primal scream therapy and exercises to bring up their anger, when they weren't feeling angry at the time? It made them more angry. It didn't really help them "get over it." And it sounds like you are a bit impatient or scolding toward yourself by saying you need to get over it. How about work through it instead?

I do think it's more practical to allow whatever feelings you have to come up naturally in any given situation, in that moment, and to see if at that time you can consciously "take a step back" in your mind to try and objectively ask yourself what you are feeling and, if jealousy is there, why you feel that way. For example, whenever I do that, I am reminded of how I want my loved ones to be happy and feel free, and that the jealousy comes up due to insecurities on my part, so whatever I am attached to that brings up jealous sort of just fades in the light of awareness. But I don't think forcing myself to be exposed to such situations is kind to myself or needed for growth in this area.
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Last edited by nycindie; 02-13-2012 at 10:49 PM.
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