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Old 02-13-2012, 07:01 PM
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Senga Senga is offline
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Buffalo NY, willing to relocate
Posts: 99
Default lets take it from here... :)

Originally Posted by Hunter85 View Post
Did I ask her if she was seeing other people?
No, I can't say I did. Not until after I heard a 3rd hand rumor (and I not fond of actingbon rumors). I also (in hindsight regrettably) assumed that because she didn't bringvit up then there wasn't any others to speak of. As to why I didn't think to ask I'll get to in a second.

Did I ask her to disclose her sexual history?
Not in the sense that I outrightly said "Who or how many people have you slept with" (at least not until later on to which I'm still not entirely sure...or at this point care) but we did discuss our sexual history to an extent (first times etc).

Did I ask about a semi-commited relationship?
Yep. About after the 3rd or 4th time we slept together and had been out together as well. The fact that she was internationally bound in a matter of months was the only thing that came up. She said "I'll think about it", brought it up a few days later but it was essentially the same conversation (no mention of other men she was seeing) and no answer.

It's 2012
Indeed I am aware (now more so than before) that poly exists and other forms of non mono but I had mentioned to her that I wasn't what one would call "practiced" in relationships and many others I know that are still don't know of poly like I didn't at the time. Thus I never thought to ask such. Something like that I (foolishly it seems) thought is what the practitioner would bring up.

Yeah I've known people who've been in or are in open relationships. Something I'm sure they discuss.
But am I to ask every conceivable relationship related question just to cover all bases? Would that not seem a little...I dunno, interrogative or weird??

Hey baby, I totally understand what you are saying here!
It does seem very obvious to be considerate doesn't it??

But unfortunately, some people are not as bright/smart, or as naturally considerate as you are! ( i wish they were, negotiating relationships would be so much more pleasant)

On top of that, it can be so confusing, and you can't expect anyone to read your mind! People are so diverse & have different dealbreakers so it is almost impossible to please everyone in the same way if you don't know what they want!

Even so, the answer is no.
You should *not * need to interrogate every little aspect of the relationship. That would be exhausting!

I think that for you, you need to now take some time to identify what your dealbreakers are!
It's not that you should have to ask EVERY little possible thing in a relationship.
I am SURE that you want to be with someone who cares about you just as much as you care about them. And by that I mean someone who respects you just as much as you respect them.

So, in order to do that, you would need to clarify your boundaries & communicate those clearly. Hopefully this experience will help you in realizing your boundaries.

Best wishes! think possitive!
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