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Old 02-13-2012, 06:38 PM
km34 km34 is offline
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Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 624

Originally Posted by xxgoodtimescouple View Post
I think when I'm out and about, I feel okay. When I'm at home I spend too much time thinking about them having fun. Last night I cried a bit in bed.
I understand this completely! I've been wondering... How much of a transition did you get between "casually poly" (I'm assuming this means you were both dating others, but no real relationships developed, please correct me if I'm wrong) to the "he's in love with his girlfriend and going to be devoting tons of time to her" phase? I think this would be a difficult adjustment, and I'm not really looking forward to the time that I have to deal with it. Was he willing to cut down his time with her at first when you would get jealous/angry? Does he communicate his plans in advance or were these surprise interactions common until recently?

Originally Posted by xxgoodtimescouple View Post
My friend begged me to go to a big party with her, one that traditionally D and I went to every year as a couple. This year he made the mistake of asking his GF to come, for her birthday. I was hurt. In the end, he can't take back his invite, so I'll decide later if I"m going or not. My friend really wants me to go, to show that I won't let a man determine my happiness. Well, I'm also not going to pay $1000 to fly to a party that I may not enjoy, for revenge or to prove something. Her idea of having fun is to party away problems, not face life outside of the club. I'm trying to work out what's in my HEAD.
Why can't he take back the invite? I mean, I understand it's her birthday, but if my husband (or if in the future I have another long-term SO) planned to do something that was OUR tradition with an OSO, I'd be PISSED. No excuses. They need to create things that are THEIRS, not take things that you two have always done together. For example, I always cook my husband dinner on his birthday. Always. I've done it for 7 years. If he made plans with a girlfriend for dinner on his actual birthday, I'd feel like that would be snubbing a tradition that we have established together. Now, if he wanted to meet his girlfriend for lunch, a drink MUCH later in the evening (you know, after dinner and the inevitable intimate time that follows), great, but stomping all over a tradition that I hold dear would be inexcusable in my book.

If this is a party you go to every year, that you TRAVEL to get to, I'm thinking he is pretty much being an inconsiderate jerk for not thinking of how going with someone else would affect you. The person he usually goes with.

In general, I think it's great that you're seeing a therapist to work on the issues that you have. I agree with the other commenters, though, that your boyfriend seems to really be taking advantage of the situation. Maybe he's still caught up in NRE and is just trying to avoid the inevitable first big disagreement in that relationship, but you seem to have been quite accommodating to the situation. Letting her sleep over in your home, seeking counseling so that you can more quickly come to terms with your emotions, etc. Those are all huge steps, but it's not going to do much good if he's not willing to meet you in the middle and put in some effort to.
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