Mya wrote a lot of what has been on my mind as well about her visit. I love how peaceful, stable, and comfortable our poly-life feels. Mya being here with me and Alec has just normalised, sort of. I can sense both of them being at ease, and I am actually able to let go of all the stress of being the hinge that I've talked about here.
One thing I still haven't managed to do is take time for myself while she's here. But I think I got to the bottom of it when I talked with Mya about it. It's not only because I really want to see her that I ignore the need for alone time. That plays a part, but it has been such a pressing need at times that I would've done it. But it isn't so simple. It's the whole long distance thing. When Mya is here I obviously want to spend a lot of time with her, and I'm also constantly aware about the fact that she is here to see me. It doesn't matter how supportive she would be about my need for time and space, the situation still is what it is. Because, concretely, what I need when I need time and space for myself, is having an "endless" period of time when nobody expects anything from me.
[Obviously, nobody has an actually endless amount of time with no obligations.
But I have organised my life in a way that allows me to take really long periods of time and just be (in fact, that is my plan for today and maybe tomorrow). Probably number one reason I don't want kids, btw.]
Anyway, that kind of feeling of having to do absolutely nothing.. it isn't really feasible to have that when Mya is here, for obvious reasons. Yet, having two full-time partners with me, one of whom I have just spent and will soon again be spending a month apart with, is more intense than my regular everyday life. So, I'd need more time for myself to balance it out. Fortunately we've now managed to make the visits as peaceful and comfortable as they can be. I think that is all we can do. I will no longer have the aim of taking more time for myself while Mya's here because it just won't work in that situation as it usually does. However, we agreed that week is maybe the longest time we'll be planning for in the future. I've also noticed that weekends tend to be the most draining in terms of energy, so maybe we'll aim for as many weekdays as possible, but of course that depends on the flight schedules and all that.
I really hate to always be writing about this because it totally over-emphasises the issue. Seriously, I so completely enjoy the time Mya is here. It is always so wonderful to reconnect with her. (Also, TMI, but I have totally the greatest sex life when both of my partners are available for me..
) It's just that I do have a limited amount of energy, and to be able to enjoy and be totally present in the time with my partners (and to retain my ability to take care of other commitments), I do need that time for myself.