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Old 02-13-2012, 03:27 AM
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AnnabelMore AnnabelMore is offline
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Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 2,285

You know what I prefer/endorse? What works. And assuming from the outset that a triad is the best course for poly relations Does. Not. Work. I have *only* seen stories that end in sadness when people set out thinking everyone needs to be a big, happy, all-sharing ball of interconnectedness and non-separation right from the start. Whereas I've seen happy triad stories (relatively few, but still) in the "wow, this just happened, we weren't looking for it or angling for it but in time we grew together, and we'll stay in this shape for as long as it makes sense" mold.

I mean, am I missing all the tales of successful prescriptive (i.e. planned or even enforced by various rules) triads? I'd be happy to be corrected on this point.

Results > Rhetoric. You can talk all you want about how people are afraid of jealousy or complication, but I think those aren't the reasons experienced polyfolk tend to be opposed to "We should be a triad because, like, that's the way it should be, everyone all together, it just makes sense" situations. They're against it because a "separation of affairs", at least to SOME degree, seems to *work* much more often. Maybe it's human nature, maybe we tend to need some one-on-one time and space with people to grow with them in healthy ways. Maybe deeper relationships tend to develop better one at a time than they do in a clump of interwoven all-inclusionary connections.

This topic kind of makes me angry, and kind of makes me sad because I'm just so sick of hearing sad stories that start out the same way.
Me, 30ish bi female, been doing solo poly for roughly 5 years. Gia, Clay, and Pike, my partners. Davis, ex/friend/"it's complicated." Eric, Gia's husband. Bee, Gia and Eric's toddler.
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