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Old 02-13-2012, 02:59 AM
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AnnabelMore AnnabelMore is offline
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Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 2,285

So, why does the gf bear no responsibility... was she unaware that your wife would object to finding the two of you in bed together? As for the couple experience, your gf can find that with many other people, hot bi babes are always in demand, you haven't taken that chance away from her.

If I were you I would step away and let it be a vee with your wife as the hinge. Let her and the gf be together, if indeed they want that, and you stay out of it until you all feel you've regained some trust. A test, basically -- will you actually be able to stay away? Can you change? Or, maybe you and your wife should abandon poly for the time being altogether while you do some counseling or soul-searching or will-strengthening exercises or something.

Your behavior pattern sounds kind of compulsive. What do you think caused you to act that way? On the one hand, your past history suggests you just have issues that need work, I almost thought antisocial personality at some points since you seemed to have so much self confidence to the point of arrogance paired with so little regard for the feelings of others.

On the other hand, *why* was it so bad for you to be in bed with the gf, or to drop in on a social outing? I feel strongly that even triads need alone time for the various dyads involved so if that wasn't allowed, I can certainly see why you (and, perhaps, she as well) would strain against that particular boundary. Seriously, I can never understand the idea that it's ok to fuck or socialize in a group but not separately, it seems to set people up to break the rules since it's such a natural desire to spend some one-on-one time with someone you like now and then... in my mind anyway. It's like, if you're going to do poly just go for it. How is someone your "girlfriend" if you're not allowed to meet them at a bar? I know that doesn't address the issue you're asking for help with so please excuse the mini-rant, it's just a pet peeve, as someone involved with a married couple.

Kudos, anyway, on wanting to change, nothing can happen without that.
Me, 30ish bi female, been doing solo poly for roughly 5 years. Gia, Clay, and Pike, my partners. Davis, ex/friend/"it's complicated." Eric, Gia's husband. Bee, Gia and Eric's toddler.
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