Originally Posted by yul
She also tells me I should be grateful about this and that she will let me
This is the part that would have me headed for the door. She doesn't let you do anything--*you* choose how you will limit yourself for the benefit of your relationships. She can only choose what she does.
And if the threesomes have been truly consensual, you have no reason to be any more grateful about them than she would be.
It sounds to me that she feels quite entitled in an unhealthy fashion.
When speaking of various forms of non-monogamy...it ain't poly if you're just fucking around.
While polyamory, open relationships, and swinging are all distinctly different approaches to non-monogamy, they are not mutually exlusive. Folks can, and some do, engage in more than one of them at a time--and it's all good.