Last night was the party. Before meeting his GF, D dropped me off at a store I needed to buy something from. He asked, "How are you feeling? Is the pot bubbling over?" meaning, was I feeling angry / frustrated / sad / jealous / insecure. I answered, "I'm a little jealous, nothing that won't blow over soon." I think when I'm out and about, I feel okay. When I'm at home I spend too much time thinking about them having fun. Last night I cried a bit in bed. My friend begged me to go to a big party with her, one that traditionally D and I went to every year as a couple. This year he made the mistake of asking his GF to come, for her birthday. I was hurt. In the end, he can't take back his invite, so I'll decide later if I"m going or not. My friend really wants me to go, to show that I won't let a man determine my happiness. Well, I'm also not going to pay $1000 to fly to a party that I may not enjoy, for revenge or to prove something. Her idea of having fun is to party away problems, not face life outside of the club. I'm trying to work out what's in my HEAD.
Staying too much inside my head is not good for me. I need to be out more, meeting people and connecting.