Originally Posted by AnnabelMore
I wonder if D understands why he feels the needs monogamy. I'm not saying that it's wrong of him to want that by any means, but it would be interesting to know whether he's really explored the possibilities or whether it's an issue of fear or jealousy or societal expectations that could be worked out.
Great essay on why people are not interchangeable, and why it hurts to lose a relationship even if you have more than one: http://www.xeromag.com/fvessay06.html
Honestly, I don't think he does. It's jealousy - at least from what he's told me.
This is incredible! Thank you!
Originally Posted by nycindie
It's always good to get clear on what people mean when they use certain words. I've learned that there is a wide variety of definitions people have for very common words like "dating," "relationship," "commitment," "friendship," and even "love."
C and I talked, and he said that to him "close friends" is often romantic and "platonic friends" and "family" (including what I'd call "chosen family" - like my best friend) are non-romantic.
He feels romantic toward me and wants to continue learning about each other and getting closer without the sexual component. Despite the fact that I'd love to have sex with him, I respect this, and it actually makes me feel really special. He could have sex with anyone, but with me he wants more. And that's really wonderful.
I would call that "casual dating." He said a compromise label might be "involved" but he didn't want to keep arguing about labels.
I said I was okay with literally calling it "this whatever." Labels aren't necessary to me. I just want to know what he means.
He decided, as I'd hoped he'd see, that he doesn't have time for a commitment right now, let alone monogamy. So I haven't lost him. This weekend he's with D, and they've decided to remain friends "for now."
I still feel some fear that C will choose monogamy with D eventually, but that article on irreplaceability really helped.