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Old 02-11-2012, 04:16 AM
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Anneintherain Anneintherain is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Seattle-ish
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Quote:
Originally Posted by zenlove1 View Post

Apart from that, there is this girl, a common friend of us. She caught my eye long time ago, before I started dating my girlfriend, then I apparently defined my feelings for that girl as just friendship... but over the last weeks or months she has reappeared and is continuously in my mind . The feeling is very similar to what I felt for my girlfriend when we started dating, 3 years and a half ago.
Quote:
Originally Posted by zenlove1 View Post
What I want to suggest my girlfriend is that we remain a couple, continue doing the same things, go to live together, eventually get married, etc. but both being able to meet other people not only to have sex but also with the affective part and both having knowledge of what the other is doing (only, maybe not talking about it).
I think it's a great and brave thing to talk to your girlfriend now before you've moved in together or talked about plans for the future. I do wish you luck

I did want to talk about those quotes above though. I don't know if you and your girlfriend already plan on moving in together, or have talked about marriage, but if not, I would caution bringing them up in this conversation in the way you suggest it.

I'm just going to use this friend you like as an example. Because you say that the feelings you have for her are similar to what you felt when you started dating your girlfriend, you don't know that you might not end up loving them both equally, or realize at some point you would prefer to live with both of them, or marry the other girl or any other variety of surprises (I suggest that as you've been with your partner for quite awhile, so if you're not already sure you're going to marry her (and even if you ARE) you never know just what is going to happen in the future)

Lots of unexpected feelings can come up in situations like this, and if she decides she is OK with you dating, and some months from now it seems more sensible for you to move in with the other girl for some reason or one of those other above scenarios happen...well your girlfriend could feel quite betrayed at you portraying your intention to follow the path of moving in together and getting married, and having plans change. Maybe I'm just a fan of not making assurances that you cant be sure about. I would just reassure your girlfriend that you love her and that she's important and you don't want to be without her in your life. I have just seen a lot of people post about expectations of how poly will be emotionally vs how it actually turns out, so I have the urge to throw this warning out there.

There have been some really good threads about how to tell partners about the desire for polyamory, if you haven't looked around and found them you should do so. Hopefully this post made some sense, I think I could've been more succinct.
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