Originally Posted by nycindie
It is definitely a mono mindset to think that a partner who wants poly will choose one person over the other. One of the points of being poly is to have both... or more... so it takes tossing away your old frames of reference in order to wrap your brain around the fact that most truly poly peeps aren't gonna go anywhere. Having more than one relationship means having more than one -- it's not about auditioning people to be the top pick and leaving the other(s).
I agree. It's so hard to get out of the mindset that everything is a competition. I'm starting to realize that "better," "worse" and "favorite" have no place in polyamory. It's difficult to give up the idea that if your partner wants to be with more than one person you are no longer "special" to her/him. But I'd argue that giving up that belief is not only necessary for polyamory, but also for personal growth. Once you lose that idea you can start building your own "specialness" internally.