Originally Posted by Tesla
It's so nice to realize that you have worth to someone.
Good luck LemonCake! If it doesn't work out, it's not the right time and/or person. There are so many other beautiful people out there waiting for you.
Thank you so much for the support!
Originally Posted by nycindie
It is definitely a mono mindset to think that a partner who wants poly will choose one person over the other. One of the points of being poly is to have both... or more... so it takes tossing away your old frames of reference in order to wrap your brain around the fact that most truly poly peeps aren't gonna go anywhere. Having more than one relationship means having more than one -- it's not about auditioning people to be the top pick and leaving the other(s).
That's the point, I agree. Don't stifle love that is healthy for you, even if it's for more than one person!
At least that's why poly appeals to me - that and that I have almost infinite desires in a romantic relationship.
The key phrase is "true poly peeps." In the past in my relationships with monos, I've sometimes been afraid of not being "the favorite" - because in a mono relationship that means you lose the person romantically.
In a poly relationship with another poly, I don't have to fear that. It's deeply, deeply ingrained so chipping at it bit by bit, rationally reminding myself why it's incorrect. And things are going well on that front.
It's just a matter of not knowing whether C is poly. However... for now it doesn't matter.
I talked more with C. He said he realized he didn't have time for monogamy right now - or even for anything serious, with me or with D. He's going to talk to D soon about it.
We got a bit hung up on the definition of "dating" - he defines it how a mono does (and how I used to define it), where you're either friends or dating, and the latter is the same as "in a relationship" and implies commitment. I explained that I actively don't want commitment right now, with him or anyone. My life is too hectic. What I call "dating" he calls "close friends" (which he distinguishes from "platonic friends" - apparently to him close friends are often what I'd define as people he dates).
I do like him very much, and he likes me. We have, as he put it, a romantic inclination toward each other.
He wants to build a strong friendship base and leave sexuality out of it for now, but touching and kissing is okay (I think - we'll clarify boundaries more soon) as long as it's emotional and not sexual (i.e., no making out).
This all makes me happy. I find him sexy and I really want to have sex with him, but he seems to feel more relaxed, and anyway - the slow burn is sexy.
It'll just be better if/when we do get to that point.
We'll feel it out slowly. I really like him and it's good to feel secure again.
I'm still a bit tense about what will happen with D. I know he thought they'd be mono together, and this is going to hurt him, and it sucks.