We saw my therapist together today. It was a bit of a blackmail because he wanted me to wake up super-early and help him really clean the house. I said no way was I going to make an effort that early in the morning, unless he made an effort for something I really wanted: attend a counseling session with me. He didn't want to go, but he did and we're both glad. We learned some really interesting insights about each other. I think a skill I'll be taking from the session is: Curiosity. Being really curious about why my partner feels and acts the way he does, and truly listening to his response instead of waiting for an opportunity to say my rebuttal.
The counselor also recognized that when I'm insecure and fearful that my BF will leave me, I get into a zone, called The Zone to Quell my Insecurity. I feel an intense need to trap my BF with roundabout questions, in an attempt to vindicate my theory that he's cheating on me. Crazy, eh? Yet that need gets so strong, it is like a magnetic force I can't pull out from. The counsellor thinks I have a strong need to feel right. Again, as in the previous paragraph, a way to overcome the need to be heard and feel right, is to be curious. "Hey, what'd you get up to today? You know, I didn't hear from you and I began to feel insecure. Do you mind filling me in on your day so that I have nothing to worry about?"
I think my BF and I really benefited from the appointment, because he felt secure enough to converse with his GF over the phone while I was within earshot.
It was weird at bedtime tonight. He let me know that tomorrow night, his GF was sleeping here at our house, and then the next night they're going to a sexy party. I felt slightly jealous that they were doing something blatantly, publicly sexual. It's a party that's held regularly, but he and I have never gone. Meanwhile, they go all the time.
I calmed down when I realized: 1) I can't go clubbing as much or as late as my BF would like, so at least he's satisfied in having a GF that will do it with him. 2) If I want more crazy sexy times in our relationship, it's possible, I just have to plan it!