I have a question, as you say Jay and this other woman both live in the same city 4+ hours away. Are you planning on living in the same city at any point soon? If not, how do you reasonably think you can manage two long distant relationships when time is finite? Even if Jay is no longer jealous because you are now poly and not monogamous, would dating this other woman cut into the time you have to spend together? Would you expect that you'd all hang out together a lot of the time because you're only in town for a short time? If they come and visit you, and they only have weekends free, would you have to alternate in order to accommodate two long distance loves? If so do you think that will benefit your relationship with Jay or cause it hardship?
As ordinarily in your case, people seem to focus their energy on finding partners who ARE local when current partners aren't close by, I am curious about this.
edit: I just reread your post and see you are planning on moving out there, sorry to miss that in the first place. Yes though, I would probably bring it up to Jay to talk to her about it too, if she is OK with you dating people but not her friend, that will make for some interesting conversation and probably a lot of insight into things. I probably would not attempt trying to date the other person until you moved out there though, if any of the questions above led me to feel that my relationship with Jay was going to be negatively impacted by time issues.
Happiness will never come to those who fail to appreciate what they already have.
Last edited by Anneintherain; 02-10-2012 at 12:21 AM.