8 day and a wake-up!!!
Still excited about seeing PK!!!!
We had a 'different' conversation last night, you know that say you can't teach an old dog new tricks...Wrong!! I learned something new last night...but it wasn't a trick...well I guess it was in its own way.
Anyway, I learned last night that PK DOES want to swing...ok, whole story...
PK is sometime attracted to guys by sent…this attraction is (for lack of better works) animalistic…meaning, it is a strong sexual attraction not based on looks, compatibility, or emotions…just sex. Pheromones is how PK describes it to me…my thoughts, I’m not sure if I buy the pheromones thingy…PK has this attraction with a guy where she is now…it is so strong that whenever she is around the guy, she can’t function normally. BTW, this is not the first guy that she had these feelings for…in the past, PK and I have given them a name of ‘9’ (after the movie Love Potion # 9); so, when she had these feelings, she acted on them only to feel (with one of them) regretful of her actions afterwards (with one of the 9s, they were friends before and no regrets there). Now I have given PK the option to have sex with guys (no emotions) but she never acted on them because she didn’t like the regretful feeling of not having an emotional connection.
With 9s, PK make questionable decisions that left her hurt and regretful, so when she told me about this guy (who I immediately noticed that he just wanted sex), I tried to remind her of her past feelings of non-emotional sex…so, last night (after a hour of talking) she reminds me that she knows that he just want sex….but in this case, so does she want just sex.
I feel like when she decides to have sex with this guy, and it’s just sex, she will be again in that regretful phase…background, the last time PK was overseas, she had just sex with a couple of guys and for the most part, we can’t even talk about it because of her feelings/regrets about this encounters. I don’t want to see her hurt or regretful but I have done all that I can do…
Wow,…that was a lot! Didn’t think (or know) that it would be this long…all to say PK is swinging…and I hope it don’t end in regret…again.
Last thought…I wonder if I’m ok with this because I didn’t think it would ever happen? Could I have been just acting ok because I thought she would never do this? I do know that prior to our Poly discussions, we were on a mono (with no additions) path…since then, I say sure about the occasional fuck without emotions…but now I wonder if it was because of our talks about how that’s not what she wants…wonder if Poly was an avenue to get to the ‘just sex’ path? Either way, we will be alright, but this will never be another ‘I don’t want to talk about it’ subject…I think this will be a real test of my feelings on this issue PK being non-mono.
END MY THOUGHTS