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Old 02-09-2012, 06:35 AM
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MonoVCPHG MonoVCPHG is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: In Redpepper's heart
Posts: 4,742

Reply to a fellow mono person about sex and sharing a partner when you give yourself to only one.

"Your views on sex are the same as mine…or least were the same as mine. I compare it to when I collected comics. Value was associated with limited circulation copies. The more people who had the same issue the less its value becomes. Sound familiar? The thing is, if I was collecting for the right reasons I would have focused on the enjoyment I took from the stories and wouldn’t have cared about how many others were enjoying it. Because being able to enjoy the story is more important than keeping it locked away to preserve its “artificial value”.
I am in no way saying that a person who gives himself or herself to one person is not sharing an amazing gift – they are. But with a poly person they can share that gift with many and feel the same joy and rewards as someone who only shares it with one. They appreciate every experience as unique. YOU are unique.
I think I have worked through the value aspect of sex when it is not exclusive. For me, the visualization of someone breathing and seeing the same things I do when me and Redpepper have sex with other men is what bothers me. I’m no homophobe, but I still get a little turned off by the idea of someone else’s penis going the same place my face does…except her husband, he’s different. I want them to have sex because I think it is a sign of a healthy marriage. I think I am also working through this too.
My biggest concern is if a person has not felt love returned the same way they give it. I was married monogamously for 15 great years (the last three I lost connection and hurt a lot of people). I have that to relate to. Experienced it and enjoyed all the “normal” things associated with that poly is far away from achieving at this point.
What do you want from the relationship? Can it be achieved with a poly person? Think about this because the answers will tell you if this is worth the work. And it is a lot of work to be sure.
Hope this helps. Your relationships are destined to change over time no matter what dynamic you have. It’s just different things than partners that cause those changes."

Peace and Love

Playing the Game of Life with Monopoly rules.
Monogamy might just be in my genes

Poly Events All Over

Last edited by MonoVCPHG; 02-09-2012 at 07:04 AM.
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