Originally Posted by Red0824
Hmmm, you're right, if she really likes him, then she wouldn't mind taking a break for a while, but to ask her to do that still seems wrong to me. Not to mention, he doesn't want to do that. I'm wondering if once we have the baby, he will realize the things he needs to focus on the most. This baby, by the way was not planned. We love her and have gotten over the freak out of being parents, but neither of us wanted a baby for a while. I can see where panic set in for him. We were finally in a place where we could be ourselves, we planned to socialize more, I even thought about opening myself up to other possibilities, then we found out we were pregnant. I had no opportunity to explore after that. And he has, for obvious reasons. He just went for it,as if nothing had changed. So denial, you may have come across something there, the fact that I held him back from it for 6 years, he finally gets to explore himself in his fullest capacity and then bam! Baby. Yea, major frustration on his part. I would love for him to read this thread and the whole site. Ill mention it. And thank you anyway thatgirlingrey, I'm glad you two where able to enter into poly without any big emotional blow outs. I envy you two, that's something special
Well, the escapism he is using,... happens. Many 1st time parents have some issues coping and wrapping their brain around it. Some party, others buy a boat, or do other foolish things. In his case, he is Mr.Poly-Pants.
It`s much like cold feet before a wedding. A 'last chance' to do what he wants, how he wants, when he wants.
I think this will boil down to the fact you, can only control you. If I were in your shoes, I would NOT allow myself to be made the scapegoat anymore. Stop taking the blame for things in the past,..just work on your responses for the future.
When talking to him about your worries, It might be beneficial, to NOT make this about poly. You might want to talk about pregnancy and parenthood fears. Read books, watch shows....things that discuss the fears, and worries of parenthood. Programs that focus on soon-to-be parents having problems and panicking.
This way, he can draw his own conclusions about such things. Hopefully, if he has respect for you, himself, or others in his life, he will see he is not the only person to have such problems.
This may not 'end' or even stall his relationship with her,..but at the VERY least, if he has any intention of maning-up, he will get more serious about putting his all, into everyone equally, baby included.
Then you don't have to be the bad guy asking him to come home every night. He will finally accept his responsibility, and think of these things,..at least some of the time. (Things are a work in progress after all. )
For the record, this isn`t about molding him, or making him what you want,..this is about the baby, and setting precedence as parents, for the child's future.