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Old 02-09-2012, 02:10 AM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Big Apple
Posts: 10,083

Red, you still sound like you are blaming yourself for... oh, I don't know, real life events? Like, you're the one to blame that he didn't get to "be poly" all these six years, "making him miserable" as you put it, and you're the one to blame when his girlfriends bolted, and now you're the one to blame for getting pregnant and fucking up his plans. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Stop that this instant.

You are married, he is your partner. If he wanted to act upon his poly desires sooner, he could have - it would have taken negotiation, baby steps, and consideration for your feelings, but you two would have dealt with it. Or he could have left the relationship altogether to go find a poly partner. He made the choice to stay and give you time.

It's not totally your "fault" that he waited and then finally acts out of impatience that has built up. He is pulling a number on you if he encourages you to think that he is miserable because of you.

If the girlfriends really wanted to stick by him no matter what and befriend you to ease your worries, they could have. They made their own choices to leave him. Sure, he can blame you for that, but they left him, not you, and maybe it was easier for them to say it was because of you rather than they just didn't want to continue with him. He could have made the situation more acceptable and workable for you by taking baby steps along the way and making sure you knew he would give you the same love and attention he would give to any of his other relationships.

And of course, it takes two to make a baby, so he can't blame you for that. If you both really didn't want to get pregnant, you BOTH would have made sure it didn't happen.

Where is his sense of responsibility in all this? It's like he decides he wants to run around and have fun but is overlooking the fact that he needs to keep investing in his relationship with you to make it strong enough to support a lifestyle that includes polyamory, while you think everything that doesn't go his way is because you've been difficult. How'd he manage to pull the wool over your eyes like that? Get your self-esteem on, girl. You both need to shake yourselves and wake up.
The world opens up... when you do.

"Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me." ~Bryan Ferry
"Love and the self are one . . ." ~Leo Buscaglia

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Click here to find out why the Polyamorous Misanthrope is feeling disgusted.

Last edited by nycindie; 02-09-2012 at 02:16 AM.
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