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Old 02-09-2012, 02:03 AM
lolalondon lolalondon is offline
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 30

^ I'm not sure she clearly stated she loves him, but it's obvious and she has asked him before why they can't be together, several times. I know it's been a source of pain for her.

My bf's counter-argument is that I've had a fuck buddy who would have liked something more with given the chance and who had feelings for me. This is true. But it's also true that the situation involved a man who lives far away and I used to see him occasionally, and who is experienced and older and dates other women, and I did talk to him before we entered a sexual relationship about the fact that I'll never be his gf. He said he is happy with that and never ever caused drama or acted in a hurt way. My bf thinks it's an example of him trusting me to manage a situation where a secondary had feelings for me and I should have the same trust in him. Whenever I try to say it's different because the guy I was involved with wasn't so majorly hung up on me and was far away and emotionally mature enough to deal with it, bf gets annoyed that it's always ok when I do things then I judge his actions by a different set of standards.

Maybe he's right, but I also think that if he doesn't take emotional responsibility for the power he has over this girl and how vulnerable she is, and if she gets hurt and has a breakdown or something I will lose a lot of respect for him. And I'm not denying that I'm jealous of the special connection they have, I am, still I'd deal with it if I didn't think he was being a bit flippant. At the same time, he'd argue she's an adult, and she's been clearly told they'll never be more than friends, so if she's happy doing it who am I to say it's not ok? I'm not her mum, thank god, and not his dad, it just makes me feel like I'm taking a moral high ground or being controlling and I don't know if it's justified... but it all just feels a bit... icky, and dysfunctional like AnnabelMore said. He's had a lot of dysfunctional relationships in his life so maybe he's comfortable with that but I've generally had healthy, nurturing and mutually respectful relationships (on the whole) so I'm not used to this way of thinking/ treating people like this. Maybe he needs to keep some dysfunctionality in his life to feel happy?

Still, I do feel sorry for her whatever happens... and not sure how to get my point across to him without seeming like a controlling bitch - I mean, he's not had sex with her for a year, introduced her to me, made sure I was comfortable and also that she was ok with it, stopped her staying over every time she visits, etc... so he followed the rules and should get his reward now, right?
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