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Old 02-08-2012, 05:14 PM
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NovemberRain NovemberRain is offline
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Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 712


I think it's good practice that you had, coming out to one friend. I encourage you not to put too much of that experience on to all your other friends. You may have some who get it, and some who don't.

I have recently come out to...almost everyone close to me. I present it like I have the best secret in the world to share with them, like I got an extra slice of cake. 'I have two boyfriends!' Which I realize is not your situation. But when you present both at once, your cake and your problem, it sounds like you're having cake to fix your problem, do you see? And it sounds to me like what you wanted her to understand is that poly is cake, it's partly your identity.

Because I see your problem (lack of sex) as separate from that. (I dunno, maybe it's not, but that's what I see you presenting) If poly is to fix the problem, I understand from reading 'round here, that it might likely not.

I also don't see anything wrong with having sex with a willing, but uninterested partner. But I approach it from a different perspective. My views are informed from The Courage To Heal (a fantastic book for survivors of sexual abuse). They talk about how willingness can lead to interest. It can be a form of communication. It can be an act of love. 'I don't have an interest in sex, but I want you to know that I'm still here and I love you.'

BTW, I can also totally relate to your wanting to just be taken. My men have the lowest sex drives of any man I have ever known or heard about. They're probably just this side of asexual. It makes me insane. My drive is not all that high, but it feels artificially inflated because of the absence of theirs.
Love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own...
Robert A. Heinlein

Me: female, bi, (formerly hinge of a vee)
with FirstBoyFriend (FBF)(moderately long-distance)
and no longer with CurrentBoyFriend (CBF)(who now lives in a house far away-with stairs I can't climb)
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