I had a sort of revelation this past weekend. To view Sundance as a brother, instead of a husband or lover. So far, it seems to be working. It frees me to love him again, to not be so jealous, or resentful, or enraged.
I wouldn't go so far as to be happy
for him, that he's found someone else to love....
My ego just can't go there yet! There are glimmers of that, though.
What I am happy about, is that I am learning to love MYSELF. It is the start of a wonderful love affair! I have had these interludes before, but I am glad to be focusing on me once again. Freed from the role of wife and lover, from being who he needs me to be or who I want him to be (to fulfill things in me that I can and should be filling, myself), I am open to a lot of new growth and self-discovery.
I am grateful for what I learned from my relationship with Butch, too. So much of what I admired in him, I can now develop in me.
We are working on a dissolution of the marriage, so there is going to be some ugliness, as we divide money and property, reassemble and redefine our family, and experience loss and disappointment. But -- I am glad for an up day, today.