Originally Posted by BaggagePatrol
Well shit! I feel fuckin' better already! LOL
Sorry to hear you've been having a tuff time too bookbug, and thanks for your perspective - was a good one to hear.
I have been in a tuff place in regards to getting clear and working through my feelings. I don't think that the best time for communication is when you're confused and upset - for me, i like gettin' clear, and then talking from them. That way I won't lead people on a wild goose chase as I navigate my whacko internal emotional world. I'm the kind of person who needs space and time by myself, and with people that I trust to get perspective - emotions can be pretty devious little fuckers, and if you listen to your feelings, and not the perspectives of people who know you well (or even the fine folks on this board who i'm starting to feel like i know a little), you can get yourself into a real snarl of misunderstandings, upset and frothy messy untruths. Space. Time. Clarity.
If i was clear that I didn't want to be with her, I would def. break up with her. I gotta get to a place where I've had enough time, space and perspective to make that decision tho. Giving it two more weeks without seeing her to get that space.
never wanna use anyone. Never want to hurt anyone. Gunna get quiet inside of myself, talk a lot with myself, my husband, my counsellor, and then start moving forward from there. To me, unloading on a board is a different thing than communicating to someone that I love. If i came to the any of the same conclusions in the end that have been coming out in the freeforall emotionally barfing that i've done on here (too pissed to carry forward, wouldn't date her indepedently, don't want to be friends, whatevs) then I *would* tell her, but I certainly wouldn't do it as bluntly as i did on here. Want to have courtesy with her always.
Yes, I can see that you'd want to sort out your own feelings and thoughts before making any decisions. That's reasonable. And you're right, emotions take a lot longer to sort than logic. Hell, if it was all logical, it would be easy! LOL!
Okay, well you've figured out what you need, time and space, and if you pursue anything in the future you'll know to ask for (demand) that upfront if you start to feel stressed out. :-)
I know you've been through hell, but the thing is you've learned some things about yourself, and the process. And since you are able to communicate well with your husband, you two will end up tighter than ever.
One thing about my situation, we managed not to blow up the friendship even though the triad failed. I still see her, him, and / or them once or twice a week. We're building positive memories over the ones that hurt.