Okay, so here you are in a mess. I understand. I had an online emotional affair and now, we are still dealing with fall out. We have been married 17 years this past Sunday, I too came out bi after being married. To my husband first. Name the biggest hurdles for marriage, we've had them. We were just discussing last night actually the degrees of cheating. He felt that perhaps what I did wasn't as bad. 'At least there was nothing physical' I however feel that it's just as bad because it's all the worst parts of cheating. The betrayal, the hidden facts and out and out lies. The broken trust. Now I'm saying all this because I totally understand you feeling badly. I still get worked up, cry, feel shitty for what I've done. We are in a relatively good place now. I'm in a relationship that has been open and honest from the get go. It took us time though.
Please please remember that right now SHE is the victim. You feel bad, that's yours to deal with not hers. It's great she's being supportive but are you? If you want to salvage things you need to be there for her. Apologizing and offering to listen to her. As often as she needs to in order to vent and process. She may just be focussing on you so she doesn't have to deal with the full pain she feels. That will come out sooner or later and it will be messy. So encourage her to vet it out even if it hurts you to hear it.
Me: Late 30s pansexual poly.
DH: My husband of 19 yrs and father of 3 teen girls.
DC: LDR of +4 year