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Old 11-18-2009, 05:52 PM
Ceoli Ceoli is offline
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: London, UK
Posts: 900

Originally Posted by MonoVCPHG View Post
I'm a little lost in this Ceoli, please help me understand. I do not live as society tells me I am supposed to (poly relationship). I chose not to concern myself with the judgement of that is that a right that others don't have? It's a choice.

If you are implying that I am not an activist or promoting the acceptance of poly relationships then you are correct. I'm not an activist and feel no need to push for acceptance. If people or society don't like how I live so what? I'm not asking for legal rights and am not doing anything illegal.
I'm not implying that you need to be an activist. You are able to choose to not be affected by the general view of society. The ability to make that choice is a privilege. And there are a lot of people who don't have such a privilege. They are not asking for permission or seeking approval. They are just looking for the same things everyone else gets without having to earn it. That's all I'm saying.

For another example: You have the right to get married to a person whom matches your sexual orientation. Gay people in most places don't have this right. They have a harder time adopting and have to do a heck of a lot more work than most to get the same basic rights from getting insurance coverage to buying a house together that other people enjoy without issue. When issues are raised about it, those gay people are not asking for permission because they already have to do that for the same basic things most of us don't have to. They have to work a lot harder to get the same basic securities in relationships that straight people already have.

Those straight people don't have to challenge that system because it does not affect their life. Now, to put this in a poly context:

I had a friend who was in a poly triad who's ex-husband attempted to terminate her parental rights because of the nature of her relationship. The case went to court and thankfully went in her favor, but in researching precedents, we found out that it was the exception to the rule. We still live in a society that does not legally recognize the romantic bond if it involves more than two people.

Again, you don't have to worry about that because that situation doesn't affect you. You have that privilege. There are lots of people out there who don't have that privilege. They have to set up all sorts of legal protections for themselves just to enjoy the same basic rights of a secure loving home. Poly people may not be doing anything illegal by living together (although it should be noted that in Canada it still is illegal and is currently in the process of being upheld and enforced), but poly people do not have the same access or options for building legally secure homes that other people have. Poly people have to adjust how they structure things to accommodate that inequity.

Even for myself, I have to be aware that being out as poly person would jeopardize my ability to be a public school teacher because of the assumptions that parents would carry and the subsequent concerns that they would raise. Despite that, I still have a certain amount of privilege to not be bothered by it but I choose not to let that allow me to not be concerned for the injustice that others face.

If you're living with such privilege where things don't have that kind of effect on you, then it's easy to perceive others who take issue with it as "asking for permission" or "needing approval to feel comfortable", when it's far deeper issue than that.

I brought this up because you asked me why I would be concerned with the ideals of monogamy. You then perceived my answer as nothing more than seeking acceptance in order to be comfortable with myself. I'm just offering the explanation of why this is not the case. Privilege has a lot to do with that. I'm not saying or implying that you should or shouldn't do anything with that privilege. Just laying out why I choose to do what I do with mine.
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