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Old 02-06-2012, 11:56 PM
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beginninglove beginninglove is offline
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Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: west coast, USA
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Anneintherain View Post
I think it might be really wise to talk to K about all these feelings and questions you wonder about that you're reluctant to talk about because you want to keep it light and easy. I think that could really help place the NRE in perspective. I don't know if you have finally broached the subjects such as - is she poly, is she dating other people, etc yet, but I suggest you discuss those things.
I have broached those topics and discovered that K has not ever been in a poly relationship, and hasn't dated anyone for quite awhile because she's been prioritizing her sobriety for the past couple of years. So she's not dating anyone else either, and right now doesn't have the desire to.

This past weekend Alex asked me to set up a meeting with K, so the two of htem could talk and she could have a chance to get to know her a little bit. This is a first for us, so it will be interesting to see what happens and if/how the dynamics will shift.


Quote:
Originally Posted by Anneintherain View Post
Basically I just wanted to suggest that Alex is deserving to be happy too. If you aren't even interested in being happy with her, drawing this out isn't really fair to anybody. She has been difficult surely, but I do think that you presented her with a LOT - the situation with Sam, then wanting to go out with an acquaintance and playing with that couple you are friends with, then this AMAZING best ever relationship with K. (That getting pissed off when you came home from a date without showering...yes it IS reasonable that you be able to manage that boundary, I would've taken that as passive aggressive myself) Always possible she sensed that you were being less than honest about your feelings and that made some of her behavior even worse because she was so afraid.

Oh look I got lost in my summary again...where was I...do what will be kindest for both of you. Be honest with her about where you stand.
Thanks for this. I must admit it is not always easy to hear but deep down I know somehow this is not fair to Alex. She is trying really hard, and even though this is hard for me too in terms of sitting with her extreme emotionality, I know it is my responsibility to be honest about my feelings no matter how hard it is to say or how guilty I feel. We are both working really hard to keep this relationship together, but I'm not sure its for the right reasons.
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Gay 30-something female that just ended a committed relationship with a mono partner, Alex, and in the midst of NRE with a new lover, K.
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