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Old 02-06-2012, 03:44 PM
sentinal sentinal is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2012
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Firstly, thank you so much for taking the time to write to me

Quote:
Originally Posted by redpepper View Post
If she is not fulfilling what you need in a partner, then maybe you need to get to the bottom of that.
I think you're right. We need to have a conversation about what we want from the relationship from each other and whether we are capable or want to give them.

Quote:
Originally Posted by redpepper View Post
It sounds rather odd that she would go to another man when you are in town and not be willing to plan dates when before she did. Is she starting a new relationship? Is she in NRE with them? Did you ever plan dates? Have you talked about what is going on between the two of you in terms of investment in one another? It sounds like you have a lot to talk about before jumping to conclusions. Have you asked her how she is doing in the relationship you have?
She's had two new 'relationships' form in the past month, to the detriment of our relationship it seems. She is very much in NRE, one after the other.

We did plan dates, always I haven't talked about 'investment', I'm not sure what you mean by this. But if you're talking about energy put into the relationship, we do need to have a chat about things. If this is what she wants, that's fine by me, but it's not what I want, it's not what we had and I'm not really getting much from the way things are now. Things haven't really been all that great in our relationship lately, the connection we have is evident when we see each other but since she's been heavily distracted, it's been tough to keep it going via email/sms or w/e.

Quote:
Originally Posted by redpepper View Post
No assumptions and no expectations is a good motto for having poly relationships. If you don't know for sure, ask. If you expect something then let your partner know and find out. It has worked for me in getting to the bottom of things really fast. Maybe it will for you too.
I think we just need to have a GOOD (several hours) talk about our relationship, what we want from it etc.

Now I've arrived here, I'm not sure it was worthy of posting on Polyamory forum. I've had a pro-Monogamy person dropping lines like "that's how it is when you're Poly" and I think I begun to question it and sought advice here It's more of a general relationship problem, Polyamory is just a feature of it.

Last edited by sentinal; 02-06-2012 at 03:46 PM.
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