I'm not sure if there's benn a difference for me pre- or post-poly, but I think I've been much more critical of my relationship with the person I'm working on being primary with, versus the person with whom I have secondary relationship. Things with my secondary need to be good, but things with my primary need to be capital "r" Right for me to feel comfortable. A bad habit like leaving dishes lying around is no big deal in my secondary because I'm only over a relatively small amount of the time, whereas if my primary, who I'm intending to live with, does that, it would drive me insane in a week!
Me, 30ish bi female, been doing solo poly for roughly 5 years. Gia, Clay, and Pike, my partners. Davis, ex/friend/"it's complicated." Eric, Gia's husband. Bee, Gia and Eric's toddler.