Thread: Coming out
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Old 02-06-2012, 09:12 AM
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rory rory is offline
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Oh yeah, I was thinking about updating that I told my brother. He's a few years younger than me, and we don't hang out or have contact that much but we're still sort of close. So, I had decided that I'll tell him when I feel like it's a good time, and it came up when we met when I was visiting the country I'm from. I'm happy it did. The conversation was way from smooth, something like:

brother: So who will you be meeting when you're here?
rory: We'll, *lists a few names, some of which he has heard before*
b: Mya, who's she?
r: umm, a friend..sort of, well, umm, she's my girlfriend.
b:... ...
r: well, umm, we are in a relationship, and it's just like 'normal' dating except that both of us are already married..
b: ... *continuation of a stunned look and a really long silence*
r: you know, I know this isn't really common stuff so it's okay if you're all "what the fuck!"...
b: ... Okay, so what the fuck? And Alec is okay with it?
r: yeah, he is fine with it. I'm not expecting any particular reaction from you, but you can ask me more, or you can ask him, or anything.

So we left it at that a month ago (and we didn't really have time to go into it more in the situation), but I exchanged messages with him, because I realised I didn't really give him all the relevant info. So, something like this ensued:

r: (I did write other stuff, too) About the dating others thing, I didn't mention to you that me and Alec are in an open marriage, and he can see other people as well. I know you didn't ask for more info or anything but I didn't want you to get the picture that I'm just messing around and he sits there watching or something. It's more balanced than that. We've had this arrangement for several years, and not because we're not enough to each other but because we don't see any reason for monogamy. And there hasn't really been any reason to talk about it to other people, except now that I'm in a relationship with Mya, and we're serious (together almost a year), so I want to tell people who are close to me.

b: okay, don't really know what to say to that, but it's not really any of my business, but I was in kind of a shock when you first told me.. But you've got to admit that's not the kind of thing you're expecting to hear. And I'm not going to say that I understand that kind of thing, it feels sort of twisted, but then again, you're married to Alec and I'm just your conservative brother.

r: yeah, I'm not really expecting you to understand, I think there's a difference in how conservative we are in general.. And it's okay that it was a shock, but I think it's cool that you still approach it with a attitude that it doesn't really matter if you don't understand on a personal level.

Overall, I'm really happy that I felt like telling him, and that he now knows everything relevant. I'm also happy I sent him a follow-up, even though it felt awkward. And I'm glad about his response. I mean I really didn't expect him to understand, since I had a feeling he knows nothing about open/poly relationships, and he's sort of a conservative guy in general. But not in that kind of a judgemental way, just like I can't imagine him ever (or if he doesn't change a lot) doing something so out of the ordinary in his own life. But I feel that even though he doesn't get it, he hasn't let it affect our relationship in any way, and that's cool.
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Living with my partner Mya and metamour Hank. Seeing Lily.
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