I love you guys
This forum is such a great sounding board, lovin' the feedback and the positive suggestions to keep things real. He did see this thread nycindie, totally freaked me out as it was kind of the place that i was going to rant, but its all good and he and i have had some good talks. Unfortunately, I just don't think that I want to keep going with this. Does still make me feel crappy, as I know that it's going to ruin it for everyone, but i just cant keep fooling myself that time will make it go away. Not going to constantly give up my own sanity for the sake of trying to make everyone else happy - i know how much my man is into her, and i know that he isn't willing to have an independent relationship with her, so if i'm not into it.... it's over. Too much freakin responsibility, but if I cant handle being around the two of them, i wonder if i'm just not cut out for this whole thing. y'know? I like the idea, but now that i'm in the middle of it i seem to just be the lamest ever at this.
Sigh. Big sigh. Double sigh. I'm on a break right now, taking space, hubby is stressing about whether he should take space (doesn't want to, jsut wants to keep on hookin' up, y'know, but he's a good guy, and doesn't want to mess me up, is just in love and can't really help how he's feeling trapped too.)
UGH. LE BIG UGH. Where's the handbook? I would SERIOUSLY like a counsellor who specializes in poly. Anyone know of a skyper that would chat about this? Feeling like a loser, as this was MY FREAKIN' IDEA and its exploded like hairspray on a plane.