Originally Posted by polyexplorer
As I have been reflecting more on what I mean by my wife's 'openness', I think I am referring primarily to her sexual openness. For the 20 years of our sexual life I have always felt that my wife had more to give and open up to in this area. I have been wanting a deeper and more open sexual connection. I have wanted her to show more initiative, more adventure, and to be and feel the sexy person who I know she is. She wants this too!
This makes me a little bit wary. Yes, she wants this too presumably; still, it seems you may be pushing her to be something she is not comfortable with, at least with you. Why does she need to be different? Why does she need to be the one to change? If you want to be more open yourself, then be more open; somehow I have the sense that a lot is falling on her shoulders.
Also, comparisons are really dangerous. Her new partner is a different person than you; even with no differences in history they are likely to relate differently. Keep your focus on your own relationship.