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Old 02-04-2012, 05:08 AM
ThatGirlInGray ThatGirlInGray is offline
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Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Northern Cali
Posts: 552

Originally Posted by pjeck View Post
I've had quite a few times throughout our relationship where I have begun to develop feelings for other people around us, although I never acted on them and would eventually get over them. The thing is, those feelings for others never got in the way of my feelings for my girlfriend, and that's what interested me the most. I never once thought that I didn't need her love anymore, I just found the idea of sharing love with yet another person to be very fulfilling.
The previous times something like this has happened, did you ever talk to her about it, share your feelings? If you've never even brought up the idea of loving more than one person at a time, I might start with a more general discussion on the subject of polyamory to see if she's got any strong feelings one way or the other. Talking about it hypothetically could be a gentler intro than hitting her with, "Friend and I have these feelings and this is what we want to do and what do you think?"
I just need to help her get there.
No, actually, you don't. You need to be honest and supportive as she figures out her own feelings and wants. That's the most "help" you can be.
I'm wondering if maybe there's some way I can perpetuate the growth of her feelings for her friend. Perhaps the stronger she feels about her, the more likely she may be to consider this.
My gut reaction is "bad idea". You can't alter or affect what she feels for the friend. At the most, you can talk more about how much you enjoy spending time with Friend and perhaps suggest more often that she be invited/included, but that's about it. You can set the stage, but you can't direct the actors.

Basically, if this is something you want to pursue, you have to start talking about it. Maybe bring up seeing a book review that piqued your interest and suggest you both read it together (there's TONS of poly book recommendations around here) so you're not approaching the convo from a, "This is what I want, can you handle that?" place. If you don't want to read a book then a movie or tv show or even news article about poly could be a starting point.
Pan Female, Hinge in a V between my mono (straight) husband, Monochrome and my poly (pan) partner, ThatGuyInBlack
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