Well, that particular crisis got resolved nice and quickly.
Gia responded this afternoon. She said she hadn't necessarily meant her comment in the way I interpreted it, and explained. So, that helped right off the bat. She also gave me a lot of good thoughts and advice about me and Davis and depression generally.
She went on to say that she had been "mostly aware" of my commitment to her and was sad she couldn't respond with the "fervor" she felt it deserved, but that she knows herself well enough to know that she's not there emotionally yet and that she still has trust issues to get past, not because of anything I've done but because that's just how she is. It took her a long time to get to where she is with Eric. Like, a loooong time. Which I knew. It's just funny, I feel like she's let me into her life so far that it's surprising to remember that there are still barriers.
She also said that in a way she feels "regret" that she already has a primary and thus has limited resources for furthering other interpersonal connections, which I get. But of course she can't change that, neither of us would want her to, and she's living her life to the fullest she can. She said that she has never charged our relationship with the duty to last forever, just to last as long as is sensible, and that she feels like that makes her commitment "less serious" than mine but that she fully appreciates my commitment even when she can't repay or reciprocate it in all the same ways.
In my response I told her that essentially I feel the same way about how long our relationship ought to last, though of course a lot hinges on the meaning of the word "sensible"!
Most importantly, to me, I told her how meaningful it was to me to feel safe enough to share what's going on with me without feeling like the reaction is going to be along the lines of "nod and smile and back away slowly from the crazy lady...". To know that even if we're not in the exact same place we can talk about it and it's ok.
All of it was overdue for us to discuss, I think. I'm so glad I didn't hold it back.
I also told her about wondering whether I'll be resentful if she hooks up with Zed, so there's another weight off my chest. She said she'd get back to me with more of a response on that soon.
She also mentioned that Liza, who's been sitting for them twice a week, is having some personal issues and they may need to take me up on my offer to take time off work here and there to be with Bee after all. I don't wish Liza any troubles, but I do have to admit I'm excited. I feel like the kid who's been practicing her heart out and sitting on the sidelines and now the coach is gesturing at me and saying "Ok, get in there!" About time.