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Old 02-03-2012, 09:19 AM
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Phy Phy is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Germany
Posts: 651

Hey there, have to second rory, good to hear from you

I noticed that I am not that often here as well and not as excessively reading as before, just checking in with the stories I found interesting lately. Due to work and enough going on with life fortunately.

I think it was a great choice to send that mail. Even if you could stop yourself in conversations and feel more in control of the situation, those are basics that are important to you. I would have felt really burdened if a person I love wouldn't be able to recognize just how much I was committing to her and considering her in my life already. Just like you talked about your needs and boundaries with Davis, I think that it will be beneficial for you (for your peace of mind at least) to know what are the terms of your relationship with Gia and what her take on the matter is.

Even if it feels a bit risky right now, to put yourself out for display this much, it shows the importance and depth your relationship with Gia has reached, you want her to see the real 'you' and I think it is absolutely valuable that you strive to correct some misconceptions she may have. I guess this will help to initiate a great discussion that will bring you two even closer, I can't imagine that she isn't interested in what you have to say or take it as too heavy or overwhelming. (But I am always all in for open communication, I talk about what is on my mind all day, if your dynamic has been more reserved it could be a little shift to that, but even so, it will be OK )

Lastly, the new person in her life. I think you should speak up. Not making demands, I HATE them, I always feel so pressured when someone displays even the slightest need in that direction and shut down really fast, but to tell her that it bothers you, that you miss her and you would like to have what she is planning to establish with this man for yourself again as well. Of course, there is an indirect demand there nevertheless, but this is valid, you are in a relationship with her and it is only natural to miss each other after such a long time.

From what I read here, you always look out to not put her under pressure, bearing the difficult situation with the baby and the latest phase she went through in mind. But, could it be possible that she sees you as more distant and less committed because she misinterprets your reserved behaviour? That she is maybe aware that you are doing this for her sake, but is at the same time confused that you are seemingly satisfied with what you have right now? That would be what may have been on my mind in her situation. "Oh, she is so nice to consider my situation, but ... why doesn't it seem as if she is troubled more by the distance? Maybe it's what she feels comfortable with as well." Something along those lines. Just a thought that came up.
Facts: 30, female, bi, v-type relationship with Sward (husband, straight, mono) and Lin (boyfriend, straight, mono), poly-fi and co-primary.

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