Originally Posted by ladyjools
what i wonder is how easy will this be, to step back from being so intimate, to give up that wonderful thing you have with her, becuase i know that sex is not everything but sex is diffrent from making love, and that connection is extreemly special,
i worry that it would hurt you more to step back and give up the intamicy, and see another man gain that with her?
i hope that these questions are not too personnal
Not at all Jools
The thing is, the intimacy would still be there for me. It is how I would get to communicate it to her that would change. Sex in itself is less important to me than ever because I understand my relationship to it.
I fully understand how deeply this would hurt her, but would accept that in order to be a part of her life outside of a romantic relationship. We would always be connected and we both know this.
It's not a case of all or nothing for me. It is a case of how much and in what context to be healthy.
Yes she might lose a lover, but she could keep a very close friend. Or she could chose to reject the new shape of our relationship and I would lose it all.
That would be the greatest of tragedies for me.
Of course, it would hurt me to see her have that with another man, but not as much as feeling I had betrayed all I worked to discover in myself. It would not hurt as much as knowing she was denying herself others as well. Her friendship is more important than her physical intimacy. Just as her relationship with her husband is more important to me than her relationship with me.
I have a very strong will now that I know myself. Lack of will and knowing myself cost the ones I loved in my old relationship immensely. That is a lesson I won't forget.
I am a black and white animal...I have a lot of weakness and a lot of strength. Being alone does not scare me. Hurting people does.
I have no doubt that she is strong enough to tell me if she is denying herself something or that things need to change. She is a amazingly strong person. I count on this.