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Old 11-18-2009, 02:34 AM
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MonoVCPHG MonoVCPHG is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: In Redpepper's heart
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Originally Posted by Ceoli View Post
Commitment is commitment. Levels of commitment can differ from relationship to relationship, but I don't see exclusivity as a measure of that. A monogamous exclusive relationship can be less committed than an open polyamorous one.

Everything you are about to read is in my own humble opinion

You are absolutely correct that a monogamous relationship can be less committed than a poly one.

A person can be committed to aspects of the relationship at varying degrees. But, sexual/intimate exclusivity within a monogamous relationship is the key to defining the commitment two people make to each other.

Commitment to a monogamous relationship is based on being exclusive. Exclusivity and commitment go hand in hand. That is the appeal for many in monogamous relationships. That "having someone for yourself" is the fundamental core of committing to a monogamous relationship. Don't take my word for it....ask any monogamous couple if commitment to the relationship means they are intimately/sexually exclusive.

Why direct energy trying to understand the monogamist ideal of commitment when you have no desire to apply it in your own life is my question?

Define it the way you chose to use it in your life.

As a side note:
To say that monogamous relationships lead to cheating is a contradiction. Monogamous relationships only involve two people. When another person becomes involved there is no longer a state of monogamy. It is a state of deception and becomes it's own entity hidden within the preception of monogamy through acting monogamistic.

Yes there is pressure to conform to society's idea of a monogamous relationship, but there is also peer pressure to conform to what is the idea of a polyamorous relationship. Ceoli has experienced this, as have Redpepper and me. Polyfidelity is not the social norm within our community so therefore we are subjected to the same sort of bias, judgement that mainstream monogamists impose on polyamorists.

Lastly, acting monogamist, as is dictated by social norms is different than being monogamous as is dictated by nature. One is governed by established external rules; the other is a product of internal wiring.

Playing the Game of Life with Monopoly rules.
Monogamy might just be in my genes

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