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Old 02-02-2012, 06:44 AM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Canada
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Originally Posted by gemms View Post
I have since moved in with them both.
How long from dating to moving in was it? Generally it is not advised to move in with anyone until the NRE is over. That is usually a year to 18 months long. No one thinks straight until its good and over and life is a steady flow of day to day life. Also it gives time for metamours to get to know each other. In my opinion its metamours that make of break a relationship... if you can get on with her okay, then you are likely going to survive this with him. If not then your days are numbered... or hers are.

Originally Posted by gemms View Post
We have a pretty good arrangement but I find myself becoming envious of the primary relationship.
There should be no primary relationship if you live with them I don't think. This is not swinging any more, this is partnership. You have equal rights in this situation. You all do. If you don't have that I suggest you move out and allow them to work on their relationship without you around. You are likely a stick in their wheel. Personally I would move out anyway... this is not going to end well from what I can see. She is a loose cannon waiting to blow and you are directly in the line of fire.

Originally Posted by gemms View Post
This relationship is not doing well at all. The wife treats the husband poorly and doesn't let me and him have any "alone" time unless she has someone she is going out with.
I would guess it is doing worse now that you live there. She is obviously not happy, feels threatened by you and is jealous... this is why the control freak stuff. You aren't going to change this I don't think. She has to and that is unlikely going to happen with you living there. Again... move out.

Originally Posted by gemms View Post
She does allow me to share the bed with them when I want which is nice but in the end the husband and I are becoming frustrated.
What are you sharing a bed for!? You aren't dating her! Where do you usually sleep? You have a bedroom or something no? Why can't you go in there with him? I don't get this at all. What is in this for you? Why are you living there? It makes no sense to me. This situation sounds like living hell. Why would you want to live somewhere where that is not treated like your home too, complete with your own partner also.... ?

Originally Posted by gemms View Post
The first question I have is what kind of relationship would this be categorized as? Would it be a V? And also is my feelings geared from greed or love? I do love him as I have no other and the feeling is mutual. Where does crossing the line to cheating come in? I don't want to do anything to jeopardize being able to see him all the time alone or not. Any advice?
Sorry, but that is your first question? That is what your concern is? What you are categorized as? I think you have bigger fish to fry my friend... seriously. Who cares what configuration you are... you have a hell of a situation there to worry about first. She is not your partner, so its a "vee." Although by the sounds of it its more like a dictatorship and there is no relationship going on except what she controls.

I would suggest looking towards the search engine and find the threads with the tags, "lessons," "foundations," "communication," "moving in," and anything else that looks interesting. All of you need some educating and while you do that, I think you should move out. Oh, I said that already
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